i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
