His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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