The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
