i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
