One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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