Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
