He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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