I didn't shave. On purpose
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
