At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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