moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
