i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
