Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
