two words: eviction party
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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