We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
