its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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