so explain again why im purple
no
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
