i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
