just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
