It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
