You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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