my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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