We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.