Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.