so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out