this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
