She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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