he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
