He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
