Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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