well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize