watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
