At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
