worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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