First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
