Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
