PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
