im drinking this country out of the recession.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize