If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
