i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
