Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
