Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
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The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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