Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
