brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
