id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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