it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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