Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
