I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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