I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
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perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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