dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
