I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
