When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Say something about gay babies.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
