he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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