Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
