i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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