Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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