Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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