On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
