I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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