I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
