Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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