great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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