how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
worst night to have a conscience
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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