1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
