under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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