everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
