it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
