Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I love you. Go after that dick
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
