I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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