I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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